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The problem with a lot of paid media strategies is a serious lack of quality creative.

It’s obvious in the example below that the campaign manager was trying to squeeze in as much copy as possible.

macys ad

Original Macy’s ad

The result? An overwhelming amount of text that seems to have been thrown together without any rhyme or reason.

Now, here’s how I would rewrite this same ad: 

Macys ad - Noelle Hartt rewrite

My revised copy

Notice how I’ve been careful to call out the $25 free shipping threshold directly within the ad’s headline– this change alone is probably enough to increase the ad’s overall click-through rate… but I didn’t stop there.  I’ve also broken up the wall of text in the previous example and condensed the key information into clear, concise sentences, to avoid overwhelming the reader.

In my [albeit, biased] opinion, it’s pretty clear which version would come out on top in an A/B test… and as for Macy’s, I hope they prioritize improving their copy in time for the holidays.

How does your marketing copy stack up?

Send me a message if you’re struggling with poor performance from your ad campaigns, and please share this post with your network if you found it helpful.

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